Howard’s One Potato, 30 Potato, Hot Potato Soup

1. Begin by going down to your basement, being careful not to step in the cat’s recent gaackk, or secret, locked larder to rescue those Yukon Gold potatoes that have already sprouted and gone a little soft. You know, the ones you bought in preparation for the most deadly viral pandemic lock down apocalypse, not realizing that potatoes in unprepared form are not really long term storage items. Collect enough to fill a 3 gallon pail…or so
2. Dump the potatoes in a bath of cold, fluoridated water and scrub the hell out of them with a nail or tire brush to remove the sprouts, blemishes, and dirt. Clean your nails while you’re at it, you dirty thing.
3. Slice and dice the freshly washed spuds into a two or three gallon pot. Add enough water to cover the potatoes and a table spoon or so of sea or land salt. Bring to a boil and just before it boils over to make a big stink and permanent stain on your stove top, turn the heat down to simmer.
4. While the spuds are simmering, get a start on the ever important broth. Start with 1 gallon of water, filtered or unfiltered, and 2 litres of chicken, beef, or vegetable broth. While you’re bringing the broth to a boil, add in 2 medium sized chopped white onion, 3 or 4 chopped carrots, 3 or 4 stalks of chopped celery, 1/2 a bunch of chopped fresh parsley, a 1/4 bunch of chopped fresh or frozen cilantro, 1 or 2 bay leaves, exactly 20 black or white peppercorns, 4 cloves of dried out garlic from the locked prep locker, and the top secret ingredients
5. While the broth is stewing and simmering, grab a recently thawed package of now overpriced bacon, you know, the bacon you’ve been buying on sale and freezing in preparation of the apocalypse. Where was I? Oh yeah. Slice the bacon into big or small pieces and slowly fry them until they inevitably get smaller. Drain and pat dry the bacon bits. Safely dispose of the excess grease. It may be toxic. Add the bacon bits to the mix. You can also add some cubed farmer’s sausage for a little extra meat. I used to use European wieners but they are now more expensive than Trudeau’s cabin boy.

Special ingredients can be added to taste. Try a pinch or two of Nong Shim Shin Ramyun soup base. It’s probably loaded with MSG and Chinese toxic waste materials but it sure adds a kick to the soup.

Special serving suggestion : Sprinkle some real Parmesan or Cheddar cheese or some fresh cilantro on top of each serving. Some people like flopping a dollop of sour cream on this soup.

Why not?

Freeze some for the Apocalypse.

2 comments